VISION DRIVEN MOM

Motherhood is no joke, especially when you have ADHD. 

In fact, it’s the hardest job on the planet. 

And, in this day and age of constant distraction, there is almost a gravitational pull towards overwhelm. 

As a mompreneur with ADHD, adolescents with ADHD and aging parents, I know all about it!  It’s an easy trap to fall into. 

To guard myself against the O word, I connect with my vision (it’s full of everything I love) every day and have picked up vision boarding again. 

I used to play around with vision boards in the past.  Using a cork board to pin up random pictures that caught my eye.  They were a lot of fun to create but not very useful.   

You see, a vision board is a powerful visual tool (when done right).  There is an art and science to creating an effective vision board.  It’s taken some tweaking, some trial and error, but I’ve got it down. 

NOW, I create one...Every....

Children open our hearts to more love and compassion than we ever thought possible.  They also open our hearts to vulnerability, fear and overwhelm like we've never experienced before. 

Motherhood is a spiritual journey (especially when you add ADHD).  It is “full catastrophe living” at its finest (thank you Jon Kabat-Zinn).  

I wouldn’t have believed it if you told me before I had them.  No one can quite prepare you for the beauty, the fear and everything in between. 

Nothing in life brings up our unresolved fears, hurts, anger, sadness, resentment, insecurities, trauma, abuse…like motherhood.  All of our wants, needs and shortcomings from childhood come screeching forward.

You see, our children are our greatest teachers.  They are mirrors into our souls.  They push our buttons and show us what we need to work on.  They give us unlimited opportunities for growth. 

We can either resist what they are...

I swear I’ll never say it again…

I don’t know about you but before I had my kids I used to think I was so busy.  “I don’t have the time”, I’d say.

And then, when my youngest started Kindergarten, I started a business, did a 9 month yoga teacher training, bought and renovated a house and one by one we moved our parents to town.    

Again, “I don’t have time,” I’d hear myself saying.  Sometimes out loud but mostly in my head.  Apparently I did have the time though because I accomplished all of those things.

Now, more than ever, we have to be creative and intentional about creating space in our daily lives to recharge and renew, especially as moms with ADHD.  

We have to make ourselves and our self-care a priority.  We have to “put our masks on first”. 

I found that the most important time in my day is the ME time I give to myself.  Through a lot of...

Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction), wrote the book Full Catastrophe Living when he and his wife were knee deep in raising their kids.  It’s about being your best self in the midst of the chaos of parenting. 

And, for goodness sake, let's stop comparing ourselves to the neurotypical families that make up most of the population.  

The chaos doesn’t go away but we can choose to see it differently, even with our ADHD minds.  To bless the mess rather than resisting what is.

5 Tips For Overcoming Overwhelm In Mom Life

1.       Breathe and reset – There is a quiet place within you.  Take 3 deep belly breaths to reset your nervous system.  Breathe in through the nose for 3 and out through the mouth for 6.  And, in the process you’ll be providing your organs with oxygen rich blood. 

2.       Move your body – Movement is a natural energy changer.  You...

My son’s birth was a turbulent time for me.  I found myself going down the rabbit hole in my mind…a lot.  You know that place I'm talking about... 

• The dreaded what ifs.
• The darkest places a mind could go.
• The thoughts I'd never ever share with anyone.

I used to stay there.  In fact, I spent much of my 20s there.  It was a pattern of thinking that had run deep grooves in my mind.  I had a hard time seeing the light (having ADHD has a tendency to do that).

Life is interesting isn’t it?  The yin and yang of this human experience.

Light and dark

Good and bad

Possible and impossible

We are conditioned to believe that it has to be one way or another.  But, what if what we are telling ourselves is not true?

It was Henry Ford who once said “whether you think you can or you think you can’t you’re right.”

What if we could see the good in the bad?

Shine the light on the dark?

Create the possible out of the...

I was having a day yesterday and lay in bed awake last night (not unusual for this ADHD mind). 

I was feeling out of sorts.

Anxious. Worried. Sad.

Lots of different feels in a day. 

So, I got up and settled into the sofa with a book and let the feelings come. Feeling the anxiety, feeling the worry, feeling the sadness. 

I sat with it. Looked at it. I felt it.

Then I remembered how I felt on my mat in the morning. Strong. Confident. Connected. Peaceful.

I sat with it. Looked at it. Felt it.

And, I started to feel better.

It got me thinking about how living a vision driven life is a lot like taking your yoga off the mat and into Mom Life.

It's a practice. It's a moving toward what you want rather than pushing away from what you don't. 

5 Steps for Bringing Your Yoga Off the Mat and Into Mom Life

1. Notice where your feelings reside inside your body.  Allow them to be uncomfortable.  Instead of giving in to the urge to get rid of them, let them be...

I cry when I’m happy. I cry when I’m sad. I cry when I’m angry. I cry when I’m overwhelmed.

I cry when I’m tired of adulting.

And, I cried weekly during quarantine.

Usually by Friday. Sometimes on Thursday. But almost always weekly.

I allow myself to feel the feels. I didn't used to do this. In fact, I'd keep them bottled up inside of me until they burst forth at some inappropriate time.

I now understand that it's a part of my ADHD and as much as I don't always love the intense emotions I feel I've begun honoring them.

Squashing your feelings is kind of like playing a game of whack a mole...I learned this the hard way.

You whack it down and then it shows up somewhere else. Whack it down again and there it is. On and on it goes.

And, pent up feelings can manifest in all sorts of dis-ease in the body.

So, allow yourself some sort of release.  You don't have to love our ADHD mind will thank you... 

3 Steps for Allowing and Releasing Feelings

1. ...

I have a friend who wears freshwater pearls and crystals EVERY DAY.  Even with jeans.  She says “Every day is deserving of pearls and crystal.  

I have another friend who orders champagne at dinner because “why should we wait for a reason to celebrate?”  

And another who uses her best glassware daily. 

They have learned to celebrate the everyday.

No matter how small they may seem.  Wins are wins.  Michael Bernard Beckwith reminds us that the more we find to celebrate the more we will have to celebrate.  

And, as moms with ADHD, it's essential that we find ways to celebrate ourselves.

We tend to have no problem celebrating others but when it comes to celebrating ourselves, we hesitate.  I see this week after week on group coaching calls. 

More often than not, the participants are ready to celebrate the others with confetti and fanfare and can’t seem to come up with a thing to celebrate for...

The other day I woke up late (missed my morning routine), spilled coffee on my white blouse (honestly I should never wear white) and then I couldn’t get on Zoom (I was facilitating the meeting).

I was having “one of those days” (not unusual in my life as a mom with ADHD).

Have you ever had a day (or a year - ahem 2020) that felt like that?

It’s tempting to think that these things are happening TO you.  That you’re powerless and destined for more of the same.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.  You are incredibly powerful.  Just look at your life.  You created it all.

Your energy at any given time determines the way you see the world and the way the world sees you. 

So, if you’re looking at the world from a place of victim-hood and lack, you’ll see and experience more victim-hood and lack.

And, if you are looking at the world from a place of abundance and empowerment you’ll see and experience more...

I just want to feel good all the time.

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this I’d be rich (Barenaked Ladies reference).

I’ve walked countless women through creating a vision and this is what I hear the most (and financial freedom, of course).

Wouldn't it be amazing???  Especially as a mom with ADHD...

The thing is life is 50/50.

It’s 50% desirable and it’s 50% undesirable.

It’s the yin and yang of life on earth.

And, it’s what drives us to be more, do more, have more and experience more.

When life “gives us lemons” it makes the good times so much sweeter (think lemonade).

Motherhood is the same way.  It’s 50/50.  For most of the moms I know, they’ll take the undesirable parts of being a mom just to experience the sweet 50%.

Harmony in motherhood is not about the circumstances.  It’s not about the 50/50.  In fact harmony has nothing to do with circumstances.

Harmony in...