When my son was young he used to have what we called "big worries". Almost nightly his mind would go to all of the tragedies that could happen to the Universe, to the planet, to the world, to our family, to him…
And, he's not alone. I'm prone to these big worries too (thank you ADHD mind), especially when it comes to my kids.
Much of life is out of our control but there is so much that we CAN control.
I like to thank my mind for keeping me safe (that's it's job afterall) and telling it that I've "got the wheel" (validation goes a long way).
I can choose to focus on what I CAN control (I have 100% control over my thoughts and so do you).
When we consciously shift our focus from what we cannot control to what we can, we are teaching our neurodiverse kiddos to do the same.
It takes practice, like working a muscle, but it's possible to shift your focus from what you can't control to what you can.
And, some days you...
A while back I interviewed a handful of ADHD moms and learned that overwhelm is hands down their biggest challenge.
I already knew this but it confirmed my suspicion.
You see, through a lifetime of seeking an answer to my own overwhelm, I discovered that clarity is the cure.
What I’ve learned is that clarity is the name of the game when it comes to reducing overwhelm and staying focused on what's important. Clarity saves time and the agony of indecision. Clarity keeps me off the hamster wheel and fully in my life because I know what to say yes to and what to say no to.
It’s a game-changer for moms with ADHD.
When you are clear about what you want you are better able to make decisions. Yes, I love this. No, I don’t love that.
I mean, between managing our own ADHD, helping our kids manage theirs, school, activities, therapies, executive functioning issues, dealing with insurance companies, not to mention living in a world made for...
Years ago, when my son was 3, I noticed that he was struggling.
My initial reaction was to get him some help. To "fix" him. And, although I was able to get him some of the support he needed, he was still struggling.
Through A LOT of soul searching I discovered that what he needed most was for me to get my $#!+ together and start managing my own energy first...not the other way around.
It’s not easy but I’ve found that when I manage my own symptoms I'm better able to make decisions and help my family manage theirs.
4 Reasons To Manage Your ADHD Symptoms Before Helping Your Child With Theirs:
Your Vibe Care Toolkit is a brilliant place to house your “tools” for managing your...
Overwhelm is a familiar emotion in my world.
Even though I know it's a common symptom of ADHD I still find myself looking longingly at other moms who seem to have it all together. Who seem to do motherhood with such grace and ease.
I know I’m not like other moms.
I know my mind is wired differently.
I know managing frustration and modulating emotions is challenging for me.
Feelings of overwhelm are all too familiar, especially for moms with ADHD.
That's why I've spent much of my adult life learning how to regulate my emotions…immersing myself in yoga, somatic practices and lots of meditation.
The cool thing is that you don’t have to immerse yourself in deep practices like I have (unless you choose to).
In fact, it's sooo much easier than you might think. Shifting out of overwhelm quickly just requires some practice.
6 Simple Ways To Shift Out Of Overwhelm In 5 Minutes
Dance to your...
I know I’m not alone when I say that the pandemic really stirred things up in my home.
Loss of social interactions
Lots of togetherness
So many things…
The perfect storm for intense emotions…many of them mine!
I knew I was sharing my icky vibe with my family. I learned this years ago when I had 2 under 2. Yet, here it was again. Another opportunity to dig in deep. Another opportunity for growth.
And, the thing I come back to over and over again is that I HAVE to take the time for vibe care. I believe vibe care is the most important and overlooked aspect of self-care.
I mean, all the pampering in the world is not going to help if I return to the same energetic state as soon as I return home.
1. RAISE YOUR VIBE QUICKLY
The more you practice the better you get. When you are in the habit of regularly moving energy through the body...
A dear friend casually mentioned what she calls the Power of 10 to me one day and it has completely rocked my ADHD mind!
It's all about doing just 10 of something. Not all of something or part of something but 10 of something.
I’m not exactly sure why my mind loves this so much. Maybe it’s the perfectionist part of me that loves completion. That part of me that won’t even start something unless it’s possible to complete it.
For instance, after my 2nd was born I stopped doing yoga for several years. My thought process at the time was well, if I can’t do an hour of yoga I’m not going to do it at all. Talk about self-sabotage…
And then there’s the other side of my ADHD mind that is challenged by beginning something.
I think that’s why I love The Power Of 10 so much! It IS a completion. It IS a beginning. It’s 10…no more, no less.
A few years back I posed the question to a group of moms about how you know when you’ve been slack on filling your cup or, in other words, how you know when your self-care efforts (or lack of) are not supporting you and I loved this response “The dragon starts talking”. Karen confided that when she slacks on her self-care “I get crabby, the negative self-talk amps up and the overwhelm sets in.”
As moms with ADHD we know that it doesn’t take much to unleash the dragon. And, I don’t know about you but that’s exactly what it feels like to me. Once the dragon is unleashed it takes a great deal of energy to reel her back in.
As I say this I think about how a doctor once told me that it’s easier to stay ahead of pain rather than getting rid of it because once it’s gained momentum it’s challenging to turn it around. It’s the same thing with the dragon.
One of the most loving things we...
ADHD is complex and treating the symptoms is different for every single mom who has it (and every kid too).
Since there is no magic bullet for ADHD it requires taking a holistic approach to treat it. Treating ALL of ourselves.
The 4 Pillars of Well-Being are physical, mental, emotional and spiritual and each aspect is as important as the other. They make up all of who we are.
4 Pillars Of Well-Being For ADHD Moms
If you aren’t already, consider adding 1 or more examples from each pillar into your self-care practice.
nutrition/supplements/meds (when appropriate). Think ADHD brain health.
other physical treatments
rest your mind (mindfulness/meditation)
simple systems to hold information (the mind is not a container)
feed the mind empowering messages
give your mind something to focus on, like a life vision, or it will run amuck.
hire a coach...
We all know what physical hygiene is. I can list off at least 5 things off the top of my head.
But, when I ask moms about their mental hygiene I get blank stares…crickets
The thing is, mental hygiene is as important if not more important than physical hygiene. It’s all about taking good care of your mind. For our purposes here, mental hygiene is a part of your mental self-care. Research shows the intricate connection between the mind and body so, when you’re taking care of your mind you’re also taking care of your body. A double hit of self-care.
The mom mind, especially the mom mind with ADHD is unique and beautiful and requires a bit more intentional care.
I mean, The mind is a powerful tool .
It keeps your family alive. It keeps your household running. And, it can be used to create incredible things.
5 Mental Self-Care Tips For Moms With ADHD
There are several things we can do to care for...
I learned the hard way that our kids are watching us…always.
They are learning how to navigate life by watching us with their eyes, ears and hearts.
Sometimes it’s as if by osmosis. No matter what we are expressing on the outside, they can feel what we’re feeling on the inside.
That’s why I truly believe that vibe care is the most important and overlooked aspect of self-care, especially as moms with ADHD.
Vibe is short for vibration. Every emotion vibrates at a certain energetic frequency.
Higher feeling emotions like joy, gratitude, love, appreciation, enthusiasm, optimism and hopefulness vibrate at a higher energetic frequency. A higher vibe emotion feels expansive in the body. You might feel a lightness in your step, an opening in your heart space, your gaze floats up rather than down. When you are feeling expansive you are more closely connected with your higher self/God/The...